Making new friends is difficult | 30th May 2011 | 22:22 PDT

Bank holiday Monday! Which means the world is a lot busier than usual, and like half of Los Angeles, hit the beach and I decided to work off some alcohol and run to Venice, half way en route I received a text from a random number.

"hey bee, wanna grab dinner tonight?"
  -  Now, I know this was a wrong number because, I only know 5 people in LA and I have all their numbers and also that my name's not Bee.
  -  I also thought that maybe this could be a new friend who wanted to go out and play and who has decided to stop stalking me and wanted to reach out but, this time from behind the bushes and binoculars and he/she prematurely gave me a pet name, ahhh.

You're in there somewhere (via

"Hello there! Sorry if this is rude but for some reason, I don't have your number in my phone book - who's this?"
 -  I sent this because I didn't know her and wanted to know their name.

"I'm so sad. It's Joanna"
  -  My initial thought... Phew, a girl
  -  My next thought... Who the fuck is Joanna? I don't know any Joannas on this continent.
  -  My later thought after rereading the text, I interpretted the text as 'I'm so sad, you don't know me, I stole your number when you typed it in at Pavilions for that discounted offer on laxatives'

I eventually decided, this is the wrong number and did the mature thing and replied...

"Oh, hello! I'm game for dinner, you had anywhere in mind?"

Many many many many many many minutes passed.

Tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock (via

"who is this?"

"I'm Rupert. Are you texting random numbers by any chance? :)"
  -  The smiley face to diffuse the fact she messed up and doesn't know what her friend's number is from a phone book and she's just text some weird creepy guy.

"sorry, I got wrong number"

putting grammar aside I replied...

"Haha. No worries! Have a good weekend"

What a rude bitch, I didn't get a reply to that! She has the audacity to invade my personal mobile space and make plans with me and then changes her mind! And worst of all, doesn't have the decent nature to text "have a good weekend also" or a quick "you too!" - attitide like that, makes me disgusted with the human race.

This is the beginning of the end people, World War III in Mad Max was based on things less than this.

and I will always carry a crocodile around with me, from now on (via

Just Killing Time | 29th May 2011 | 21:56

Today was going to be a memorable day but, it turns out my memorable experience of today doesn't match up to initial memorableness it should've been.

After a long day/night out, my obvious activities to partake in were of course going to be "rest" and "relaxation" luckily these featured fairly high on my list of things to do that day and as it was also a Sunday, those self-missioned tasks I placed upon myself got promoted from "fairly high" to "high. yeah, i'm not going to do anything else today"

Until that was, I receive a lengthy text from a mate wanting to do an exciting outdoorsy type thing and as the weather was spectacularly spectacular, my to-do list was then and thrown out the window (to hilariously, knock someone from their ladder as they're putting, for some odd reason in May, Christmas lights up, only to be left hanging there by a thread of lights)

I was so, very, excited! (via

My accepting rsvp text was met with a "Great, just out at the moment but will let you know when I'm on my way later on."

Awesome, a fun spontaneous outdoorsy plan, simply wonderful... oh... hang on "later"

"later" isn't a real time on my watch.
"later" is a night time thing but, that's not internationally known.
"later" is used as the one-after-next on tv... but this isn't tv.
What do I do in the real world?

I can't text her and put a time on it, because that will put stress on both of us to reach that time and if there's traffic etc. It was one of those fluid plans where there is no time that can be associated with the event, it's untimely.

To save me sitting in my cupboard bedroom staring at a white wall waiting for the phone to buzz with "I'm 15 minutes away". I needed to fill this space vacuum of perhaps a infinite amount time while keeping my eye on my phone.

I couldn't go far in case I needed to rush back to my house. This put an imaginary radius around my current location, if I wandered out of this area, I can only imagine, my imaginary ankle bracelet would tip off the imaginary police, who would Chase me down in their imaginary squad cars, find me and fire imaginary bullets at me, put me in imaginary jail and throw away the imaginary key out the imaginary window (to hilariously, knock someone from their imaginary ladder as they're putting, for some odd reason in May, imaginary Christmas lights up, only to be left hanging there by an imaginary thread of lights)

NO! You may not enter the outside world, you! (via

So, instead of doing my reworked Sunday to do list and relax, I was in 'I'm expecting someone' mode and I did a number of stupid inane tasks that were very low of my initial list of things to do, like: showering, washing dishes, taking out the trash, sweeping the floor, making the bed, generally tiding up, making a sandwich (though not too big, just in case we eat out or I need to make another one to pass more time)

Eventually, a few hours after the initial text, I got my orders from the event manager...

"Traffic's bad and think its too late to go now"

Wonderful, simply marvellous! Well, least I know that waiting for someone increases your productivity and can exclusively share with you "later" actually means 4 hours.

Nothing interesting today | 29th May 2011 | 03:04 PDT

Just coming in from a typical day/night out in Santa Monica that started at 10pm am from casually walking down Palisades park down to the pub to watch the Champions League Final and turning the corner, only to be greeted by a queue of fanatics fans of football trying to get into the pub.

My initial thought was, "urgh tourists in Manchester United football tops" then "urgh, I probably won't get in" - luckily enough, knowing the owner and a few people inside, I managed to get the best seat in the house but that came for a price for about an hour of the match, I was squashed between a tall skinny old-boy and this 10 ton, 10 feet wide guy, his belly was so big, he would've fallen forward without using me as a prop to lean on.

Like this, but the one of them would overflow out the can (via
With that enjoy the team I was rooting for lost, so I left - good times.

So, with that I had a few hours to spare until my next appointment, so I grabbed some high-brow reading material, well found on a bench, Life magazine and read it in the sun with a cupcake and coffee then, I headed to the beach for a quick blast singing and juggling before taking on an epic journey down south to The 18th street art center

Something not to dissimilar to this (via
New exhibit and a bit of a culture clash of art-head from Istanbul and Los Angeles called the "Los Angeles- Istanbul Connection" to create some really lovely, inspirational pieces that changed my total outlook on life and perspective on a wide range of complex subjects that can never be described in word and only through the various imaginative mediums these artists chose to use.

Probably, I was too busy sampling the free booze surrounded by large canvas silhouettes, wicker lights and plastic birds. Talking to people, until some god-awful white-noise art band decided to use enough decibels of screaming and weird noises that could resurrect an angered zombie mammoth to go on a rampage and destroy half of Seattle.

OM NOM NOM!! (via
That's also when I left, to go to end my night. Headed up the road to a sports bar to meet up with an old school friend where many drinks, games, laughing, drink ensued until kick out time at 2am, I took a long refreshing walk back home, talking to other late night revellers on the streets and seeing where they'd been.


Now everyone say "ahhh!" | 27th May 2011 | 20:13 PDT

Sunsets. Aren't they great?

Oi shitbag, you better agree this is great!

As I'm a big fan of them, I've seen many many sunsets here - it's one of my routinely things I try to do everyday at Palisades Park, and you start to notice the regulars like me that do the same - turn up and watch this round yellow thing in the sky until it hides behind the mountains and fucks off to Japan and Europe.

One set of locals I see and spoke to today were an elderly couple who had been married many many years, and they always come to Palisades Park if they can and watch the sunset together and always kiss when the top of the sun goes behind the mountains, they say this is their secret for being married for so long and not killed each other, as all arguments are forgotten and all worries disappear when the sun does.

I thought that this was an uplifting end to the week. How sickeningly romantic.

Free stuff you can't control receiving | 26th May 2011 | 23:04 PDT

One of the joys of sharing space with others in an apartment building are the weird and wonderful noises through the walls, the occasional loud bangs or moving furniture or someone dropping a tombstone, loud blearing TV of baseball, America's Next Top Model or another pointless broadcast like the news, the time-perfect toilet stops in the night, cleaning rituals of vaccum cleaning and loud feather dusters, and phone calls.

My bedroom window (which is left open at night, so help yourself to my stuff when I'm sleep, just leave the cash equivalent behind) is directly below a rather loud fat guy (can't confirm his size but he just sounds fat) who likes to hold phone conversations with the entire street as well as making the phone calling recipient's ear bleed. It doesn't happen often so I should be OK with his blasé attitude to volume but I'm not.

 This is because those phone calls that I unknowingly RSVP'd to as, "confirmed" to join in, are to sex lines and into his sex life (or lack of as the case may be)

It's just disturbing, not so much when he booms out "What are you wearing?", bellows "Oh yeah baby" or yells "Keep doing that" because you might think he could be doing something else, I don't know what else, just something - but, it's when the noise stops you need to worry and force you imagination to think of something else, like grey carpet.

Ahhh, that's better, mentally (via

I really shouldn't complain as it's free and saves me, like, $2 a minute on a phone call of my own - but this is all wrong, sick and wrong. Everything about it makes me want to leave and live in a bin or somewhere else safe from danger.

Malibu... Yeah... Malibu... | 25th May 2011 | 16:38 PDT

Today, I went to Malibu - and that is really all I have to say on the matter.

There's nothing there, some celebrities live there, there are some big houses (behind the bigger fences) the beach is a beach like any others, the water is cleaner than it is back in LA but that's about it, there's no where to go, nothing to see, just nothing... It's like a rich person's suburban motorway stop over to fill up on gas and get the hell out of there.

Welcome to Malibu! Now get out!

There was one nice area, a walk in some desert park on Point Dume which lies on the most southerly tip of Malibu, there's a sandy trail up the top of the peak where you can look over the amazing 360 degree vista of the ocean rising up to the to mountains and back down again, take a trip down into Dume Cove and quiet sandy area with a boat and rock pools to enjoy pointless wildlife that die when they get touched.

Sailing not really Boats'o simple

I spent 5 miles walking around trying to find something of any real interest, and failed. I could've cut the whole trip down to about 20 minutes had I stayed on the bus that runs through Malibu and back again to Santa Monica. Saying that in Eastern Malibu, there's a pier and a small seemingly newly built area with some arty stuff, park, few shops, museum and a pier which I may go back to have a look at and maybe redeem this whole experience.

Beaches to the left of me

Beach to the right, here I am stuck in the middle with you...

Though seems to be a running theme with recommendations from the locals that they all seem to be rubbish at recommending things, I'm best off going it alone without anyone, you hear me? ANYONE!!

Amnesia is best left forgotten | 24th May 2011 | 13:50 PDT

Reviewing back over my posts, my Friday the 13th post is a bit sparse with... anything - there is a very good reason for that. I can't for the life of me remember what I did that day.

It feels like, that Friday had been captured by body day snatchers, tortured, interrogated, sexually abused and then released back into the wild civilisation with amnesia brought on by post-traumatic bad-shit-happened syndrome.

I'm pretty sure, it wasn't this bad (
 The very essence of the day, has disappeared into the vapour of nothingness where only vague, faded mind-photos exist of things completely irrelevant with the memory I am trying to recollect, that uncontrollably thinking of them only hinders the recovery, than it helps.

I could've done something awful that day, accidentally thrown a baby over a cliff, mistaken a tourist for a terrorist and called 911, robbed a bank full of disabled veterans and their money, punched a kitten.... Then again, I could've done something wonderful and great! Things like solved all the world's diseases, pollution, troubles, food shortages, etc. etc. stumbled on fission energy production, learnt how to tap dance, punched a kitten.

YARRRRR had it coming either way kitty (via
All in that one day and yet, I'd have no idea I possess such great talent as I would have forgotten how to re-create those moments. I could be a demi-god and not know it. Oh, there is one way to find out. Good old Twitter shining a light on the foggiest of memories... huh, well, it's close to what I thought I actually did, I guess.

It would appear, I got a burger with a friend and that's it, that is all I accomplished with that day, nothing else... I hate remembering the realities sometimes.

PS: The burger was from Umami and it was f-king fantastic!

Showing Love Towards Fellow Cinema Goers | 23rd May 2011 | 18:47 PDT

From my cinema experience yesterday, there was one thing that did annoyed me about the fellow film watchers (other than the need to clap after the film, really!? Clapping... at someone pushing "play")

This annoys me more than the obvious...

Go: A board game of possession and capture / Ober: Denoting a supreme example (via:

Loud snacks
The sound of tumbling Goobers, running down a course cardboard surface during a quiet moment, even worse when the Goobee is aware of the sugar ball waterfall they're in control of and try to make it run as slowly as possible, it's like an ambient version of running your fingernails down a chalk board.

George even sung about it.. (via
It takes two for this to occur and not necessarily female either, any two similar types of people normally "friends" - geeks, housewives, politicians, potential comedians with their "in-jokes" - they're all guilty of talking throughout a film, providing their own director's commentary but most of the time it's never anything about the film.
If you can hold a conversation without a flashy motion window in front off you it begs the question... why the hell are you there?! Sod off to a late night café/bar/your own house and have your pointless conversation there.

One of these functions you should be using instead (via

That Businesses/Socialite
You, yeah you, douche-bag with the mobile, no not you... The one blearing out that Spice Girls ringtone your girlfriend set it too, turn it on to silent - you can find it at your important meetings/funerals so why should this experience be any different?
Also, that person thinking they're the only person that can see their Luxor-strength light coming from their phone screen as they check their Facebook/texts halfway through the film, only to realise all their friends are at the cinema and non of them like you anyway, as you were invited out of pity.
Oh and, dump your girlfriend for messing with your phone, she's clearly mental and checking your phone for texts from that other girl you'd rather be with.

And what annoys me the most of all... (the one I experienced that day)

Can I get that double bagged please? (via

Ugly couples
OK, sasquatches. I understand this is one of your rare outings as a couple from whatever cave you happened to have crawled from out of this morning, or judging by the looks of you, a few moments ago as you're running late and had a long walk from your pit under the cinema to your seat.
When the lights go down, this does not mean it's OK for you go into automatic "sexy-mode" and have an exrotical passion session in the seat behind me, even though you may not be seen, you are most definitely heard, in every intricate detail... If you're desperate, you have the back row for these interactions not the middle centre - that's reserved for people who want the full blown "cinema experience"
It also helps (guys) if you don't say you fancy the leading lady (in this case, was a cartoon) half way through the film and you were talking to someone who looked like her the other day. Your barnacle ridden whale-wife will burst into tears, no loudly though, but every-so-quietly as she tries to keep a brave face and her soul and self-worth intact.

Save it for the post drink film analysis where you'll go
"What did you think of it?"
"Yeah good, you?"
"Yeah, not bad"
"I liked that leading lady, I'm going to think of her, instead of you tonight, in fact I spoke to someone who looks just like her the other day, we got on really well"

The reaction will be the same, it just won't be my problem, now go back to that cesspit you call home and eat a bag of lard face first

Accidental Evening with The Like Minded | 22nd May 2011 | 23:01 PDT

After a late night and an early morning that contained minimal sleep due to a rather irritating mosquito that felt it was more fun to spend the night dive bombing me and trying to get into my ear than trying to sleep itself. Which of course ended miserably for the mosquito, but the sleepless damage had been done by then.

Most of my day was spent in a limbo purgatory of mindless thought and a sense of being tired, hungry, lost and confused. By about 2pm, and being thoroughly annoyed with my mood. I said to myself, "I must do something!" I rushed to the local subsistence outlet shopped for wings in a can and I inhaled it in the park.

So old, it's full of holes, like doors
I decided to go to the cinema on Montana Ave. called Aero, that has been around since the 1940s and doesn't look like it has changed all that much. The film of choice was 2006 RENAISSANCE - The film is about "It is Paris, 2054: A promising young scientist, Ilona Tasuiev, is abducted, and the massive health and beauty corporation she works for, Avalon, wants her found alive. Disillusioned police captain Karas (Daniel Craig) is put on the assignment, and soon unearths a puzzle of identity theft, drug connections, missing files and a crime committed long ago in the past – 2006" - from the Aero website

This film was a flop, it was visually incredible but insanely difficult to compute (its style was a very harsh, high contrast black and white) the story was very weak and all-seen-before, the action was hard to concentrate on and and music obtrusive and off-the-shelf.

Screens from the film (via
What I hadn't realised when I decided to go was that this was apart of a design film club, called the Art Directors Guild Film Society, where people come together and observe the history one director's style (in this case Christian Volckman) and 4 experts on the matter, in this case 2 film designers and 2 architects come on and talk about the art, design, architecture, future of design, inspiration of past artists and all things creative about the film and everything that is encompasses.

The panel of experts! ohh err!

A very interesting night, listening to the experts and seeing what they have to say and where they see design of buildings going in the future, only annoyance was the audience members clapping like walruses scared of silence, after the film or after anything happened. But, the most annoying thing above everything else, is that the next one of these get togethers is on July 29th and I won't be here!

Best plans aren't planned | 22nd May 2011 | 00:15 PDT

 Typical day starting out working in Starbucks.

Followed by having a spectacular 2 and a bit hour bus journey to the other side of town through traffic and the like, only to arrive and have the original plans be changed due to poor planning...
But that's OK, our new plan was at someone's house 10 minutes away from where I originally came, this is such a great way to see the city, going back and forth on the same stretch of road.

It actually turned out to be a great evening of with friendly fun people, eating snacks, drinking wine, having whimsically nonsensical crazy conversations while playing Uno!

Not this kind of Uno (via
 What more could you want from a Saturday night?

Simmer Down from Sunrise-to-Sunset | 20th May 2011 | 18:03 PDT

After spending the last few days what feels like being housed up and segregated from the open world doing video editing, which is probably the most unrewarding piece of work you can do, purely for the fact its never perfect and there's always that one piece extra to add to it. Multiply that by 10 when it's for yourself and the footage is of yourself. purely cringe worthy.

I hate looking at myself on camera, the expressions I stole from other actors don't look like how they should and the way I sound is like a low rumble of a hummer on 4x4 tires and not the high and whiny voice in my head...

I've left the work womb and entered the real world! Only to be greeted with someone having the same prescription sunglasses as me and yelling "Haha, You went to specsavers!"

My sentiments exactly (via
 ... Maybe there's more refining to do on that video, for the next 365 days.

Consumed by Art | 19th May 2011 | 23:50 PDT

Tonight, I went to Consuming The Arts, an evening of artistic expression with the aim to help others to find art via tour. Last time I wrote about this I waffled on for ages so ill just break it down more simplerer... 

It was like this, but with real people (via

Film "We Genie: Rezoning" - Super short animation, didn't get it, too short, not sure why it exists.
Play "Big Kid" - Nice eye opening piece about teaching and two different souls relating, great stuff.
Poetry by Jacole Kitchen - Just brilliant, brilliant, brilliant
Film "Bed Heads" - Amusing, comic inspired short about a couple having pillow tangent chat of bizarre proportions
Music by Samantha Yonack - Great acoustic set with some exceptionally fantastic songs and a nice on stage chemistry with guitarist Jim Hanft
Film "No More Waiting" - Amusing music video about the realities of the man's failings at romance.
Play "Piece of Them" - The highlight of the night, a super powerful piece of dividing up parents inheritance. So exceptional the trails of emotional lingered for the rest of the night, extraordinary writing and acting.

Live art. It's grand!

Market Murderers | 18th May 2011 | 17:04 PDT

Wednesdays and Saturdays are the local market days in Santa Monica and it's pleasant, they close down a few streets and people come together harmoniously... except they're all murders, except the odd war veteran, looking to grab a dollar off you.


This was meant to be a hard hitting eye-opening article about how much water Los Angeles uses (more than 8 other big cities in the united states. including New York, Denver, Seattle... combined)

How Lake Mead's water level in decline would mean it could render the Hoover Dam unusable by the end of 2012.

That the Hoover Dam was funded by Los Angeles to cope with their water needs

That Las Vegas was an offshoot from that construction and that Nevada is the only state without water that is can use... As other states on the Colorado River each have a claim to the water.

And that farming is to blame (because watering crops in a desert is silly was to waste water) - which is why farmers are killing LA and Vegas and market places are full of murderers.

But I forgot all that cause I left it so long to write this and didn't take notes...


Maratorment | 17th May 2011 | 13:25 PDT

Sunday morning got me involved in the Santa Monica heal the bay charity marathon (writing about this now as today has been slow) now...
By marathon - I mean 10k (I think)
By involved - I mean observing

It was 7ish in the morning with a cool breeze wandering aimlessly off the ocean, the clouds were grey but light in a way they do when you know once the sun had got into gear. would be a glorious day and there... in front of me... the biggest crowd of miserable, down trodden, unhappy runners.

Everyone of them (except for the few obligatory easy-to-please children) had a face of regret and self loathing, a seconds stare is all you could bare. Any longer and you'd risk making eye contact and start feeling their pain, the only way out would be to politely putting the public announcement system through their pancreas, just to put them out of misery, like a lame horse.

This is why I don't like charities and their uplifting events. It's a burden on everyone, I'd rather open my wallet, stick it on the roof of my car and drive for 23 and a bit miles, and any charity executives that are still chasing me after that, then they can have my donation.

Though seeing those runners on the edge of their will to live, did cheer me up, so it was uplifting in that way, but I'm not going to save a starving child, tortured animal cause of my good mood, I'm going to use it to get the ladies, because they like a guy in a good mood! heh heh...

Going straight back to the old school | 16th May 2011 | 19:50 PDT

Today I thought "you know what I really fancy learning about? Yeah, I wanna educate myself with the muthaf-king Romans bitches!" so I cruised on down to Malibu in my big blue whip of a public bus to the Getty Villa. This place was super swell. much more life and depth than the Getty Center, this had loads going for it such as.

Does exactly what it says on the stone

The Getty Villa shows articles from 6000BC through to the 565AD.
It was designed to look like an excavation and is a replica of the largest Villa in Herculaneum (that had the same fate as Pompei) the Villa Dei Papiri. Renovated in 2007 (?) the interior styling borrowed other villas in the area, particularly from original house and Pompeii.

Wow, the REALLY feels like I'm in an excavation!

The entrance hall, Atrium, Had inside water area that acted like a water butt and collects rain water through the opening in the roof. There are small galleries off main room, this used to be heart of the house, but as villa grew it turned into a entrance gallery for the untouchables, the small galleries would've been actual galleries of the owners to show off their possessions. Now the galleries house; pots, silver, bronze implements, statues, and arts of work displaying a theatrical theme.

There's a hole in my roof of my Roman villa, dear Liza, dear Liza

A person's status would depends on how far you'd get into the house, most people only saw the entrance hall, as the house grew the heart of the home moved to the center courtyard gardens an idea borrowed by Greek times (but they would've been hardscape and no plants) this is where ceremonies and the like would take place, it also the axis of home, as the Romans loved symmetry and straight lines, you could look through each room in the house from this area. Styles in this area were taken from House of Coloured Columns in Pompeii, Fountains were from the original Villa, Ceiling from the Streets of the Tombs and Walls from the House of Faun

Here's looking at you, kid

 Off the courtyard are galleries featuring; Monsters and Minor Deities, A basilica (large public room, with a structure that was adopted by Christians for their churches. This room borrowed heavily from the Forum Baths, House of Cryptoporticus and Menander in Pompeii). A hall of coloured marble, with marbles from Italy, Greece, Egypt, Tunisia with Luxury silver vessels in the middle.

Of course, halogen light bulbs and electricity were readily available in 5AD

Found my marbles!

A temple of Herakles, son of Zeus. Rooms of mythological heroes and stories of the Trojan wars. There's an East garden too that was used as a refuge from the hot summer months, with trees for shade and fountains for shit and giggles...

Some old stuff, someone liked and/or found and kept it and/or repaired it

There's nothing better than 2 fountains!

 A triclinium. Dining room for three where people would recline and dine on delicacies enjoying marble from everywhere in the empire (but no Italian marble here)

Outer peristyle, the grand garden. Most were functional areas but this one was purely for enjoyment. Decorated with inspirational bronze. At the very end you were met with a sea view. A central pool run the length of the garden and would have been 4m deep and have fish. But not this one... This also lead to a statue of the Roman goddess of love, where you were allowed to touch and feel textures.

Sea eye-view of the garden

These are actually hand painted walls

In the upstairs areas a gallery of "Apollo from Pompeii! details of how they found, made and restored a statue of Apollo and Diana.

In search of biblical lands, a photographic exhibition about a group of visitors finding Jerusalem and travelling to Jordan. Documenting their journey long the way, back in 1839

Cypriot art, neolithic and bronze age arts, ancient glass making and different types

That's nice Johnny, but what f-k is it meant to be?

The Use of animals in ancient art, significance of wine (social, religion, economic) athletes and competition, coins gems and jewelry, men, women and children in ancient life.

Other things I learnt..
The second floor, originally had no windows or view as this was used for food storage and slaves and the wine disgusting, so they used spices, honey and water to make it more palatable

Cloud eye-view of the garden
The only thing that ruined the experience for me, was that it was recently renovated and the architects enlisted to transform the place, want to create an atmosphere that you're at an archaeological dig and you'd just "discovered" this villa sitting there, unfortunately it comes across as a oppressive concrete square mess (particularly the entrance area) and the rest of the grounds were passable.

I'll also assume they're the ones that turned the Villa (that was probably quite authentic looking in Getty's day) into a Floridian/Vegas style mall making it seem cheap and generally just... not great

I still loved the place though regardless of those points and it's such a relaxing lovely place to spend the day to forget everything but to really appreciate the Getty art centers you need to start at the villa to learn the foundations then head to the center. its hard to explain but its like watching Lord of the Rings 2 before the first one, you can appreciate it but you've no idea about why you should give a shit about it. I like the villa a whole heap.

Just another day in Paradise | 15th May 2011 | 19:20

It hadn't started out to be one of those life changing, eye-opening kind of days, but what day really does? It all started at 7am watching a 10k race on Ocean Ave. cheering on the runners, then meeting up with some friends to watch football at the pub. The afternoon is where it got a bit weird, I was walking down the Promenade and this guy comes up to me and asks.

"I've been watching you (yeah, creepy) - and this may seem a weird question, you're not an actor or model are you?"
"Oh ok, is it something you'd ever thought of doing?"
"Err, yeah, I guess..."
"Great, I run an agency and there's a huge demand for 'your look'"
"Generic brown hair'd guy with glasses?"
"No, no, no! Not at all, you're like if Woody Allen and a super model had a love child, you'd be it"
"Haha, yeah right - but thanks"

My stage name will be "Your Name Here" (via
Anyway... we chatted for about an hour and walked to his office to do some screen shots and do a quick acting lesson

Reviewing the playback - he was impressed "You look like James Franco's younger brother (No Henry, that doesn't make you James Franco) - if you just relaxed and worked on your memory (I couldn't remember my lines) you could be really bookable, it's a shame you don't have papers, I could book you with many auditions"
"I find you very interesting, you write, you can act, you're funny, you're intelligent, you can be a real somebody"
He then wrote me a list of books to read and want me to decide this week if it's something I really would want to do...

Award winning crap | 14th May 2011 | 15:22 PDT

When I first got here to these here parts of California, I was recommended Jinky's as a great place to go and have breakfast. Today was that day I would go and have a lovely breakfast! I had just witnessed a crappy FA cup final and wanted to unwind and enjoy a diner/café, that wasn't a Starbucks.

I think I'm going to have to hunt down and bash these people who advocated that this was the best place to get breakfast with a parking meter.

Place of disgrace (via

The seats - General comfort levels, equalled that of sitting on shopping trolley whilst landing in a canyon.
The food - Vile and bland, It looked like sun baked rubber next to a bird colony and tasted like the most boring grey imaginable.
  -  It was greasy - their toast was so wet from grease that the bottom side resembled bread again.
  -  It was dry - my mouth felt liked had I continued to eat this, I'd have to funnel in olive oil to reopen it again.
  -  Their coffee - like black water with soapy foam in top.

Last award won in 1997, probably cost them a lot to gain that (via

And this crap is meant to be award winning!

Thing is with American diners, is that you forgive their under par, unhealthy food because their service and atmosphere more than makes up for it, I got in just before the morning rush and it was a peaceful atmosphere but the service was SHIT.

My server didn't give a crap about what I was ordering, nor actually delivering it to my table, didn't checking if everything was alright whilst I was eating it. The only bit of reasonable service I recieved was 2 seconds after I put my fork down to finish and a bill landed on my table with 18% tip already added on.

FUCK YOU, I thought screamed in my head. I paid for food and no tip and left disgusted with a bad taste in my mouth.

On my way back to the house, I stopped by the Apple store to play on an iPad 2, and in its Memo application I idly wrote "Jinky's is the worst place to eat, ever!" and left it for all to see.

I checked it again on Friday 21st May out of curiosity and was greeted by 4 other messages of agreement in that same memo

"I second this statement"
"You're right it is awful, whoever wrote this"
"Horrible experience and food, everyone must avoid"
"Hello. I am writing my name on an iPad 2, it is great fun and so easy to type with"

OK, so that last one probably wasn't a review, but it's nice to hear/read I'm not alone with this.

Always Learning | 13th May 2011 | 13:13 PDT

Barbers used to be a place not only for haircuts but a place for surgery as well back in the old time when photos were black and white sepia.

Does the buck stop here? | 13th May 2011 | 10:04 PDT

One tiny action spirals into a medley of pointless thoughts no one cares about. Sunday's hangover and being asked where a Starbucks was, had this exact same effect on me that was, How to locate a Starbucks without a map or asking for directions.

You may not be aware of this unless you suffer from agoraphobia and you insist on closing your eyes every time you leave the house but, there are quite a lot of Starbucks stores out there in the that big scary world that wants to harm you. How many are out lurking? In the UK around 800 and in the US around 12,000 - So finding one, you may understand is a very difficult task to do (if you're a moron)

Finally, I found it - and I only had to walk to New York! (via

I've devised this way when I get lost in the middle of a city and need a Starbucks to sooth my panic with background jazz and "that Starbucks smell" and with only a frequent bus services and many taxis to take me back home - this acts like a temporary paper bag when I hyper-ventilate.

It's quite a simple plan, you have to be out on the streets walking around for it to work. As you walk around you'll eventually notice someone with a paper cup melted to their hand with a mermaid logo on it, this is your first sign you're near to the holy grail.

Have you pen and paper ready as there are two things you need to take note when you spot this unbeknown messenger of yours. Which direction they're walking in and how big was that cup?

That should put an end to my post-lunch lull for a while (via

Direction they're walking in
You'll need to go in the opposite direction to them. The reason for this is that most people after acquiring their takeaway coffee will walk away from the store to their desired location, this theory works 99% of the time.
The 1% it doesn't is usually before 9am when you'll see dark eyed individuals walking around slowly with their hand holding up an invisible pole, the pole's size is usually the same of that, of a takeaway cup. These 1% will be walking towards a Starbucks, if you have the patience, follow them as they'll know the quickest route.

Size of the cup
The size of the cup dictates how far you'll have to walk in order to reach your store. The first cup size you'll probably notice is the "Venti" and as you hone in on the store you'll notice cup sightings will become more frequent and the size of these caffeine vessels will get smaller.
There's a simple method to work out how far away you are, every fluid ounce equals around a minutes walking.
Short is 08 US fl oz is 8 minutes
Tall is 12 US fl oz is 12 minutes
Grande is 16 US fl oz is 16 minutes
Venti is 20 US fl oz is 20 minutes
Trenta is 31 US fl oz is too far away, so just give up now.

And this kids, is why you should never allow any "brilliant" ideas whilst hungover to incubate and breed into a mental monster of nonsense.

Search for a Ball-Point Quill | 12th May 2011 | 14:56 PDT

Finding and having the ability of buying a pen in this town seems an impossible task... Not impossible just really inconvenient task to have to undertake, It's not like you can pop into your local stationery outlet store and buy a black but biro for 40p this is because stationary stores in Los Angeles sell everything but...

Yes, that's a lovely set of pins, but I want a pen!

The first place I went to was Staples, which have seemed to moved away from "useful office items" in recent times to the bracket of "useless gadgets you'll use once to fill your office with to make you look productive" They had pens but in bulk of thousands and I only needed one so I went to the next place I knew...

The second was a paper store, racks and racks of blank paper, blank books, blank calendars, blank diaries, blank cards - lots of brilliant clean pieces of paper begging to have a friendly pen to just throw up random scribbles all over it. yes a pen rack, err I'm looking, I'm looking, gold pens, glitter pens, permanent marker pens, pens to brush your teeth with, pens to fix your cat, pens to stamp tiny versions of pens with... Damn not one bastard pen to write with.

I was so livid. in my mind, I "bin Laden'd" the store, I made 2 massive paper airplanes and threw them at the store (and I can joke about that now because bin Laden is dead) causing a big smear on their front window, that'll teach them.

This thing was huge! (via

The third one was another stationery store, selling things like letterheaded paper, business cards etc. At this point it hadn't dawned on me that this penless store hadn't any pens, so I asked for a pen.
"A pen you say? Oh no sir, don't do those here" to the tone of, "why on earth would you want one of those things for?"
... Ok ... "Do you know where I could get one?"
"I think there's a place in town" and proceeded to pull out a pen from a massive tub of pens and draw me a map pointing me back to the paper store, which I wasn't in a hurry to go back to
"That's a lot of pens, maybe I could buy one of those?"
"Sorry sir, these are mine"
"Oh ok" admitting defeat, but I should've pointed out that everything in the store is his until he sells it. I left slightly saddened by this experience.

THEY'RE ALL MINE!! My precious.. preciouses.. err.. Preciousii (via

I gave up hope until I visited my local pharmacy for some unbeknown reason, probably because I like the calming smell of illness and atmosphere of near death as there is no hospital nearby... And something sparkled in the corner of my eye. A migrane had set in, as I laid down to fall into a temporary coma, I saw a rack of pens, real pens, actual real pens! I felt like a kid in a stationery shop! Pens! Loads of lovely pens! I picked out a brilliant pen, ergonomically suited, smooth ink, turn it around to see its technical specifications, free refill! amazing! oh, wait, what!?

Close... but not quite. (via

$12!! for a pen? sod that! no wonder there are hardly no pens in this country and everyone uses an iPad, this is ridiculous, so I dropped the pen on the floor and left. Disgusted with the world of stationery.

Want to justify an iPad? I use 1 pen a month and a notebook every month and a bit (cost of about $15 each about $150 a year) which works out an American like me, spends around $295 a year on mental notes, an iPad costs $499 - so if I keep an iPad for 2 years, it pays itself!

Shame I hate Apple and everything about it, even the fruit makes me want to vomit a Steve Jobs shape on the floor.