I think I can, I think I can | 11th May 2011 | 19:41 PDT

I am reminded of a highlight of the Getty Center, which I forgot. It was down by the water feature in the main garden and there were a family of duck and their lings.

After a refreshing paddle in the pond the duck family decided to dry off and work on their duck tans, but oh no! A little duckling was having trouble hopping up to the platform to join its duck brothers and duck sisters.

By the power of Duck skull!

This new little duck buddy of mine really struggled and probably started to feel the pressure of the crowds of people looking at him and seeing if he would make it or not.

Moments and moments passed as my new duck buddy was looking and trying as hard as he could get up the ledge, this went on slightly longer than was comfortable...

You'd hoped that he didn't tire himself out and die right there in front of everyone and this lifeless duck floating in the current of the fountain slowly decaying.

Until...

He made it! As soon as he did, everyone looking let out a little cheer and a few claps were heard over the silence of suspense!

Well done duck buddy!!

Fatigue to Art | 11th May 2011 | 19:00 PDT

I surprised myself this morning by getting out of bed and by stepping on two buses (one after the other) across town and a tram up a hill to The Getty Center, Los Angeles!

About the museum
It's separated into 3 Pavilions where the art is, that are all around a courtyard with a café, various fountains, cactus garden and the main garden.

This was the museum for ants, the real one was at least... 3 times bigger

North Pavilion
Old European art: furniture, paintings from the renaissance
Medieval manuscripts: that all resembled thick posh gold laden books that was about ad easy to read than Welsh road signs
Bronze from Cambodia: Collection of 9th-15th century bronze from the Angkor period, this was a small excerpt from Cambodia National Museum to represent the achievements of the Khmer artists. Included lots of varied intricate carvings, representing gods and day to day life. They were made by creating a wax model covered in clay that was heated up, as the wax melted the bronze poured in to create the sculptures... Pretty ace for the olden days.

Only took this photo because people were looking at it

South Pavilion
The Roldan's: Brief history of this family of gifted artists and how they created their work.
Decorative arts: Collection of French furnishings from the Louis period (xiv, xv, xvi = 1660 to 1790). It's like someone had a job lot of gold and wood and went... right... let's create a really boring looking era where everything looks the same just in varied size and heights, oh and don't forget to add a big mirror!
This just reminded me of those boring National Trust houses I used to be dragged around by my parents when I was a kid at the weekends when I had no where else to go *shiver*

West Pavilion
Paintings: Millions and millions of boring same looking tripe with people I don't care for and views of random scenery.
Sculptures: Same as the above, minus the views
Germanic Drawings: Technically brilliant and had I seen this first would've been more amused depressed and lethargic looking subject matter, but I was brain dead by the time I got here.
I enjoyed the drawings of scenery, lots of attention would be given to the main subject, like a building and the rest of the scene as it got further away from the main building would dissolve and lose clarity.
Photography: Thought I had hit the gold mine in the basemen. A photographic section about Cuba! Ah, opening May 17th, I'll stick with the adjacent gallery of photographs about trees then (which I enjoyed a lot more than I thought I would)

Gardens
Ohh, how very lovely. A river runs from the top of a hill down into a amphitheatre of hedges (styled to look like a maze) and an audience of lavender. Lots of meandering paths showing off various flowers of various colours and a collection of outdoors sculptures that half resembled most of their titles of 'untitled' (I lost the will to appreciate art by this point) - but very peaceful place to be and let the world roll on by.

Water over there, hedge over there, museum over there, what else do you want, eh?

Err... It is, what it is

Conclusion
I really should have drawn the blinds and stayed in bed watching Hogan Knows Best marathon. I didn't know I should have done that at the time and I was already there, Damn.

The rock climbing tour wasn't offered that day

 
My main issue with the place is that it didn't meet my expectations, you're greeted with this amazing plaza of brilliant white stone, fountains, areas of peace and there's such a fantastic vibe and I found myself in complete awe of the building's architecture, grounds, views (oh man, the views over the city was worth the trip in itself, in fact they were the trip)

Well, would you just look at that mighty fine view!

  
Now, what I was expecting...
With all this modern architecture around me and regarded as the hub of art, I was expecting a widely varied and exciting trip about art of various styles and mediums and lots of pretentious looking art students murmuring pretentiously about art in peculiar shapes and perhaps wearing a beret and  paintbrush in their ears.

I was greeted with your typical tourists (I can deal with that, pretentious people is never a deal breaker) but lots and lots of boring, mediocre, same looking, dull coloured, "art" or visual slog of cataract inducing drivel.

That actually isn't fair, loads of peoples were taking their time and loving the pieces on display but it was all old classic looking pieces, I can tolerate a gallery or two of portraits, washed out scenes of a boat at sea and sculptures of random people looking blankly into the middle distance. It was dull European art.

I feel your pain, buddy

Don't get me wrong European art can be brilliant the first time you see it and if you're not from Europe, I used to be amazed by a man posed next a curtain or a mythical depiction of God getting a taxi, but I was desensitised by this and after 2 hours of looking at this nonsense, I shut my brain off, ran around the boring galleries and started dribbling hoping the wet floor trail would cause some slapstick entertainment... this wasn't to be.

Haha, oh child. You are an idiot | 10th May 2011 | 18:15 PDT

Err...can I use my 50/50?

Overheard on the beach today, a woman explaining to their 9 year old boy what this sign meant.

"Jules, which one of these DON'T belong on the beach?"
"Sand?"
"... There's no picture of sand there. It's cigarettes! They don't belong there"

The Hangover | 9th May 2011 | 15:07 PDT

On Sunday, I was terribly hungover and therefore not in a good mental or physical state, upon waking I learnt the lesson to never drink heavily on an empty stomach. When I realised this, I thought how very wise advice of me to teach myself this, albeit... accidentally.

I happily showed off the world my pain when I eventually left the cosy warmth of my bed and house to get some food, I'd thought to show the world my feeling I'd wear black, hood to toe (as my hood was up) and sunglasses adorned.

Honestly, I've had it up to here with this hangover. (via 4.bp.blogspot.com)

 
Whilst I was in my pedestrian transit of walking from my local Subway to my local beach to have a local picnic and local kip on the local beach and perhaps look at my local waves crashing on my local beach while having my local picnic. A lady stopped me. To ask for directions. To a Starbucks.

"What the Dickens!" I thought "How dare she. Here I am, shutting out the world out of existence, looking like a menace to society and you, lady, have the audacity to ask me for the nearest caffeine dispensary unit." I continued my internal-monologue as she waited there for a reply "People always ask me for directions and the ONE day I explicitally don't want the world to be near me, it decides bounds up to me and lick me in the face."

Regardless of my internal thought, my external verbal thoughts told her where it was and she thanked me.

Urgh, I felt good for it. I didn't want to feel good. I wanted to wallow in my own misery. I wanted to be close to tears about how much pain I'm in. I wanted to eat my feelings on the beach. These BLOODY strangers. Making my day worthwhile. Urgh.

Pledging my Allegiance | 8th May 2011 | 16:59 PDT

After my gang run-in yesterday, it got me and my brain thinking, what gang should I join.

There are a few local gangs I have near me with communtible distance, because I feel it's important to show face when meeting new people and if I plan to run around the city doing my new vocation of drug trafficking, robbery, extortion, murder, burglary and identification theft or perhaps just relaxing on the stoop playing some really loud aggressive music, I need it to be convenient to me.

Unfortunately being LA and without a top-of-the-range whip, a commute on public transit would be in order to find my fellow homies and perhaps a fair old walk if they're situated quite far from the metro routes and as Los Angeles has around 200 gangs, I may need to compare them all, I wonder if there's a site for that, perhaps that Meercat chap from UK TV commercials can set up a gang-bang subsidiary to help people such as myself.

A healthy gang, is a happy gang

The initiation process for all these seems a tad over the top as well, in order to be "in a gang" I have to get beaten up by my new friends to see whether I'd be allowed to hang out on street corners with them, I feel a different approach should be adopted and instead I can do a Starbucks run, perhaps stop off at Taco Bell as nutrition is key for keeping your stamina up for long nights of firing guns and running around, being fairly intelligent, I can remember 20 items at a time. Who wouldn't want a valuable asset like that at their disposal?

With this in mind I have 4 options for finding friends that operate underneath the law, Santa Monica's, Venice's or Culver City's - Gangs here all end in the number 13 which relates to that they only work in southern California as the northern Californian gangs use 14.


Santa Monica

Are you "friend"? (via amren.com)

Not much is known about this gang.
But they were started back in 1920, so they have a really good heritage. They're located only a 30 minute walk from me, which is a great location and good way to keep fit outside of gang-banging and a big plus is they're situated right outside a college so I know as I cause terror, I can nip away for a few hours a learn some valuable life skills.


Venice

Hey you hip cats! Who wants to build a sand dolphin today? (via photobucket.com)

Starting out in the 1950s, heritage isn't their strong point but these guys also have sub-categories of friends, giving myself a wider range of friends to choose from as I strut  down the road without my top on
Again with the location being what it is, it's right by the beach! That means what I lack in education from Santa Monica I can make up with muscle beach, a host of shops, broadwalk entertainment and with the transient nature of this tourist spot, I'll get to meet lots of people outside of my circle and if I choose, surfing and building sand castles is also an option. Nothing gets more dangerously fun than that!

Culver City

How are your tomatoes doing this year? Mine have all caught blight - sad face :( (via ytimg.com)

The furthest away at a good 45 minute bus ride, they're located near Mar Vista Gardens, so I can only assume we grow vegetables and produce to sell at the local markets in order to raise cash for our other projects like firebombing shops.
This gang started in 1960, no heritage there at all, but they are the biggest and most active - so obviously quite fashionable at the moment, perhaps I can help initiation by supplying them all with Louis Vuitton bags for their bandanas and automatic weapons, stylish and practical.
The only pull this place has other than the appeal of a small holding would be that Sony Entertainment and EA are located in Culver City so, where I lack in entertainment and education with the other two, I can make up by working at decent respectful companies to make a living, and I can also get those guys free video games, who wouldn't want that?

Start my own?!

I will yoga you within an inch of you life, you fuckers! (via wandermelon.com)

Obviously located in Santa Monica and start up in 2011, very near to me but no history but I'd recruit people using eHarmony as I'd want to gang-bang with people I get along with. and we'd call ourselves Santa Monica SF 13 (SF for Super-Friendly)
To stand out and be feared we'd would wear all in one tracksuit outfits in a nice loud colour
We would invade people's personal space by offering free hugs to all (with consent)
We'd break and enter wherever we'd like and do good and repair things.
We'd keep fit for mischief by running on the beach every morning.
Our local hang out would be Starbucks and have coffee hour where we try out each other's favourite coffee and give feedback on it.
Our extortion would be through arts and crafts and make sure people take them for a donation that would go towards a dog charity.
Every Sunday we'd relax with loud aggressive Jazz and have a picnic in the park with families and friends, bitch!

Balls to that | 7th May 2011 | 19:45 PDT

So, there I was on Palisades Park having an absolutely nightmare with juggling my 3 balls as the sun was going down and these guys come up, right.

These dudes were a couple of violent blood thirsty gang members from the Eastside and there were two of them I felt totally surrounded as a palm tree was also in the act of inducing terror and moved right behind me, they were all like...

It felt like me, above. Versus... (via eastpdxnews.com)

Them! (prisonplanet.com)

"Eh, homes you getting your juggling on, that's pretty sweet"
and I was like
"Yeah man, I'm like am totally getting my juggling on"
and he was all like
"Shit, dude, I can only juggle two balls"
and I was like
"No way, it took me ages to learn how to juggle, if you can two you're half way there to become a success, aight"
I hand him my balls and he juggles away
"See, I'm terrible"
I had him on my side and I didn't want to cause any issues, cause like this dude totally stank at juggling, so I was all like
"No man, that's like totally rad, you're almost there"
I take the balls back to show off a bit more
"So, like homes are you from, like Australia!?"
Internally, I lost it, no I'm not fucking Australian, I'd rather be Austrian in the 1930s than be an Australian now.
"No, London"
and just as my internal rage was about to become external and open a can of whoop ass on these couple of cholos, I fumbled to catch one of my balls and smacked myself in the groin, falling to the floor and dropping my 5 balls.

They left laughing (might also be worth noting that, they were kids getting their seaside paddling on while the weekend was young not tattooed up gang-bangers looking for someone to kill)
I could've felt embarrassed but I know deep down inside they were inches away from being thrown over the bluff on to Pacific Coast Highway.

Note to self: Don't learn to juggle with guns or fire in case of similar incident

My Journey to the Advancement of Knowledge | 6th May 2011 | 15:58 PDT

I'm currently at the Conservatory of Coffee in Culver City supping on the most delightful mocha I've ever tasted, called a Mexican Mocha, not sure what's in it, but I like it. This place is very cool relaxed, very brown and something like an upscale market selling various assortments of tea and coffee, if this place had wi-fi and wasn't a freaking age from Santa Monica, I'd live here.

I passed this placed 3 times before I realised this is where I needed to be

I'm also mentally mulling over the musings I've just seen at The Museum of Jurassic Technology, it's difficult to explain this place, the introductory video tried, but it sounds so pretentious and hippie-like that I got lost, from what I can gather it's a collection of leftovers of other natural history collections that had been forgotten over the ages of time. It's super dark in here and hard to see some of the exhibits and their information but from what I could see, It covered a big breadth of subjects and things including...

Astronomy in California
in the 1900s and world's biggest telescope at the time that published all its findings as was a public success by but also raised concern by religious groups to let the universe be a mystery.

Disgruntled man doesn't like scientists looking up under the robes of the big man in the sky

Romanian Opera Singers
No idea on any information as this room was pitch black with unlit black and white photos

Obliscence Theory of Forgetting and the Problem of Matter
A 3D visualisation of memory and how over time events get forgotten, the processes behind it. The flat surface is the event it's angle depends on the significance of the event (steeper, it's easily forgettable. flatter, harder to forget) and it passes through the cone of memory from right-to-left, the cone represents when the memory is created at the bottom to the tip is where the memory becomes forgotten.

Bet, you've forgotten what this is already

Stage Design
teaches the mechanical elements of stage design, changing and sound, covering how to create turbulent waves, strong winds and turning a man into a rock (but not back again)

Logic Alphabet
"The logic alphabet constitutes an iconic set of symbols that systematically represents the sixteen possible binary truth functions of logic." (Extract from Wikipedia - as I didn't get it)

Cat's Cradle
Linked to ancient times in order to conjure up spirits and has some sort of voodoo (or similar) links to it's past. A story goes a boy was playing with some string, creating shapes out of it and the spirit of a cat came into the room and pulled out his own intestines to play along with the child. The mother rushed in and took the string from the boy and proceeded to create different shapes with the string to chase the spirit out the room) this is because if a boy plays Cat's Cradle their fingers will be chopped off when they go out to fish as a man, only girls may play Cat's Cradle and therefore control the spirits it conjures up. (yes, this was the spookiest room I went in which is why I remember it so vividly)

Soviet Dogs
A dark room with candles where you could spare a few thought in silence to the Russian soviet dogs that were shot up into space and never returned.

Fido chased Apollo 13 out the driveway and into space

Tiny Art
A collection of micro mosaics on discs and little sculptures on pins - this collection made me do a expletive, I was that impressed.

cock-a-doodle-do

Pin head! - haha! - *Sigh*

Health
Learn the ways how and why putting a living duck's bill in your mouth would cure things like childhood thrush and throat problems (the cool air the duck exhales) and two mice on toast, fur and all would cure bed-wetting (probably because it's so vile you wouldn't wet the bed to get that dish again) and hair of the dog put on a dog bite would stop infections and heal it quicker.

When a child accidentally sneezed, the duck whistle was born

Photography
The first examples of three dimensional photography and radiographs of flowers

Rose and Aphid with motion blurred applied

Dice
Someone's collection of dead dice, the reason for collecting the series of busted of dice wasn't really made clear but the voice over briefly went over the "story behind the dice, their luck, people's reliance on them in situations" and "these dice had run out of luck"

Dead die that caught death

Trailer Parks
History of the trailer/caravan and a few things found on campsite... No, I don't get this one either

Works of Athanasius Kircher
A 17th century German Jesuit scholar. some works include:
Magnets Oracles, glass visualisation of magnets and their power, and applied to the sun and using it to create stationary satellites
The Tower of Babel: Disproving it's existence/ever being created
A Botanical Clock: The magnetic relationship between the sun and vegetables
Subterranean Waters and Subterranean Fires: The combination of Earth's safety valves (volcanoes) honeycomb of water and the winds were all responsible for all weather and geological events.

All in all, this place was incredible to spend a few hours surrounded by a random, definitely appealed to me and my tastes. This is what museums should be all about.