Today, I sat on the steps of the Vancouver Art Gallery in the warm sunshine watching people watching people, turns out watching people watching people isn't all that exciting as it's essentially like people watching.
Though, I did see a father tell her daughter off for whatever childish thing she did, then wander off to get a bag of chestnuts, I can only assume that she has a nut allergy and that's the father's way of keeping her quiet.
Drinking With Dinosaurs | 28th September 2011 | 23:59 PDT
From the outside it looks like a robotic spider hell bend on creating havoc on everything that stands in its way and when you go inside and you're transported back to 1986, everything's aged, tired and appears to still be under construction as you notice plasterers working away in the background. The whole thing is horrible, disgusting and vulgar eye sore of a mess that resides on False Creek.
Welcome to Science World British Columbia, the best thing to avoid in Vancouver if you can, it's expensive, small and more often than not, filled with noisy kids and their guardians looking for their next rest bite/drug hit to make the whole experience more bearable.
Not for me, not right now! As all the kids and guardians have been removed. Entrance fee is still expensive at free. In addition to all that, I have a beer in hand, a warm vegetable samosa in gob and live music playing into my ears.
This privileged was all thanks to a young non-profit organisation called Projects in Place, it brings construction, design and community together to implement projects that will benefit people and improve the areas they live in by installing green roofs, living walls, playgrounds, urban farms to name but a few... Which is all well and good, but I wanted to drink beer and see some freaking dinosaurs!
On my way to the dinosaurs, I got distracted by frustrating and awesome sciencey things like these stupid brain-teaser puzzles that just resulted in me shouting out “ARGH! Science you cerebral slut” and promptly throwing them back down and storming off, a brain dead race where you had to relax your mind the most in order to beat your opponent, a giant keyboard you could jump on to play it like in the film Big, an infra-red harp, making noises with thin air and a whole lot of other unusual stuff that I've no idea how they're related to science but, whatever!
Then, at the far end of the museum, large noises of large death, which could only mean one thing, and as seeing as I've built up this thing to be about dinosaurs, then you'll hardly be surprised that the racket was coming from the dinosaur exhibit.
We enter alone into a dark atmospheric area, only to be confronted with loads of giant moving dinosaurs that look angered and disgruntled as if someone gave them a boring desk job to do for the rest of their lives. Learning nothing about them as the fact sheets on them were about as informative as the rail network about why your train is delayed 3 days, but it was great fun and extremely mind boggling about how big these fuckers were/are and without sounding like a cliché, the whole thing is exactly like Jurassic Park, just without the death and destruction.
This is exactly museums should reboot themselves from being boring, old, depressing and miserable places and to make them work in the modern age of the internet by making it a social engaging experience and more importantly, fun again.
 |
| ARACHNOPHOBIA! |
Welcome to Science World British Columbia, the best thing to avoid in Vancouver if you can, it's expensive, small and more often than not, filled with noisy kids and their guardians looking for their next rest bite/drug hit to make the whole experience more bearable.
Not for me, not right now! As all the kids and guardians have been removed. Entrance fee is still expensive at free. In addition to all that, I have a beer in hand, a warm vegetable samosa in gob and live music playing into my ears.
This privileged was all thanks to a young non-profit organisation called Projects in Place, it brings construction, design and community together to implement projects that will benefit people and improve the areas they live in by installing green roofs, living walls, playgrounds, urban farms to name but a few... Which is all well and good, but I wanted to drink beer and see some freaking dinosaurs!
 |
| Look, I'm building a garden in a city! (via projectsinplace.org) |
On my way to the dinosaurs, I got distracted by frustrating and awesome sciencey things like these stupid brain-teaser puzzles that just resulted in me shouting out “ARGH! Science you cerebral slut” and promptly throwing them back down and storming off, a brain dead race where you had to relax your mind the most in order to beat your opponent, a giant keyboard you could jump on to play it like in the film Big, an infra-red harp, making noises with thin air and a whole lot of other unusual stuff that I've no idea how they're related to science but, whatever!
 |
| Look at my fake frustration! (via motivationalmemo.com) |
Then, at the far end of the museum, large noises of large death, which could only mean one thing, and as seeing as I've built up this thing to be about dinosaurs, then you'll hardly be surprised that the racket was coming from the dinosaur exhibit.
We enter alone into a dark atmospheric area, only to be confronted with loads of giant moving dinosaurs that look angered and disgruntled as if someone gave them a boring desk job to do for the rest of their lives. Learning nothing about them as the fact sheets on them were about as informative as the rail network about why your train is delayed 3 days, but it was great fun and extremely mind boggling about how big these fuckers were/are and without sounding like a cliché, the whole thing is exactly like Jurassic Park, just without the death and destruction.
 |
| ROARRRRR!! |
This is exactly museums should reboot themselves from being boring, old, depressing and miserable places and to make them work in the modern age of the internet by making it a social engaging experience and more importantly, fun again.
The Stoned Men and Beyond | 27th September 2011 | 20:50 PDT
In this here area there are many stoned men that scatter the area, they're mainly found in rural or beach areas and there appears to be so many, you can smell them in the air and funnily enough I'm not talking about British Columbia's finest green export (not that I can imagine much of it reaches the docks in order to exported)
I am banging on about stone statues that look like men, which when I first saw them I impressed by them and was left in a kind of awe, as they looked so unusual and in most cases, quite ugly – in a good way. They're called an Inuksuk and the more popular Inunnguaq; names which seemed to have been chosen by blindly throwing narwhal whales at the alphabet until the participants got bored after a few throws and decided that'll do.
Inuksuk they're are found along the Arctic circle of North America and are used to mark a passage, fishing spots, points of interest within the Arctic tundra – like an unmanned tourist information board for staying alive. Inunnguaq are the stone structures that represent a human, possibly to represent a community near-by as the size of them would require more than the work of one person.
Walking along the west side of Stanley Park down to the Burrard bridge, you notice the rocky beaches are covered with the results of stone stacking and rock figures enduring the incoming tide it appears that Inuksuk have evolved and inspired a more challenging past time and has been turned into eco-art.
The practice of rock-balancing which, unless you have been living underneath a large hard solid nonmetallic mineral matter something and haven't grasped what rock balancing was when you first read “rock-balancing” you probably should turn off your computer with your face and go outside or, carry on reading as I'm about to explain. Rock-balancing is where you find oddly shaped rocks and you use the smallest point of it as the connecting surface and you (wait for it...) balance the rock on that small point!
Jozsef Toth is one of the great local (probably only) experts in rock balancing resides by the entrance of Granville Island tucked away on a beach below he has been amazing the passer-by that are observant enough to see him, and has been doing it for over 10 years.
You can easily watch him for hours take a ludicrous shaped rock and carefully balance it in a seemingly impossible way, if you're lucky enough to see him in action, than pass on from me what a visual treat his pieces of art are to admire.
I am banging on about stone statues that look like men, which when I first saw them I impressed by them and was left in a kind of awe, as they looked so unusual and in most cases, quite ugly – in a good way. They're called an Inuksuk and the more popular Inunnguaq; names which seemed to have been chosen by blindly throwing narwhal whales at the alphabet until the participants got bored after a few throws and decided that'll do.
 |
| Oh hello, how are you? Stoned I see. |
Inuksuk they're are found along the Arctic circle of North America and are used to mark a passage, fishing spots, points of interest within the Arctic tundra – like an unmanned tourist information board for staying alive. Inunnguaq are the stone structures that represent a human, possibly to represent a community near-by as the size of them would require more than the work of one person.
Walking along the west side of Stanley Park down to the Burrard bridge, you notice the rocky beaches are covered with the results of stone stacking and rock figures enduring the incoming tide it appears that Inuksuk have evolved and inspired a more challenging past time and has been turned into eco-art.
 |
| Now... Nobody move... |
The practice of rock-balancing which, unless you have been living underneath a large hard solid nonmetallic mineral matter something and haven't grasped what rock balancing was when you first read “rock-balancing” you probably should turn off your computer with your face and go outside or, carry on reading as I'm about to explain. Rock-balancing is where you find oddly shaped rocks and you use the smallest point of it as the connecting surface and you (wait for it...) balance the rock on that small point!
Jozsef Toth is one of the great local (probably only) experts in rock balancing resides by the entrance of Granville Island tucked away on a beach below he has been amazing the passer-by that are observant enough to see him, and has been doing it for over 10 years.
 |
| Have a Balanced Day, sir. |
You can easily watch him for hours take a ludicrous shaped rock and carefully balance it in a seemingly impossible way, if you're lucky enough to see him in action, than pass on from me what a visual treat his pieces of art are to admire.
McHistory | 26th September 2011 | 16:59 PDT
It's humid, I'm hot but it is raining but I'm still hot, it's the perfect weather to shut yourself away from the world and forget it exists by partaking in the exciting world of quilting, not today obviously as instead, I am just over an hour away from my apartment, walking down this steep, narrow, truck filled, dangerous road next to an oil refinery in Burnaby. What am I doing here?
To be honest, I don't know, a friend pointed at a map and said “Go” - no other words were exchanged between us, before or after they said that.
Passing a baby deer behind a fence being watched carefully by a security guard with a gun, I reach the bottom of the hill and I follow the track over a railway track to the water's edge that's obscured by a line of trees. I pass through the nature's fence and look down upon a surprisingly busy beach of fishermen and their families playing.
As I was taking all this in, I was wondering what was it that I had go see. I look up to realise I had not even noticed this surprisingly big dirty white derelict floating barge in front of me, that looked like it had been thrown out of handbook of future architecture from the the days of retro and plonked down this quiet part of the Burrard Inlet.
Then it hit me, I've seen this building before from a picture of the skyline of Downtown Vancouver from around 1980s, this used to live in False Creek during Expo '86 but it was a McDonald's restaurant back then.
Expo '86 which was to coincide with Vancouver's 100th birthday started as a small event with a theme of transportation as a nod to the railways that helped kick start the growth of the city. Ideas for this celebration grew bigger along with it's momentum and eventually this small party would end up being a World Exposition.
Like the Olympics, this Expo would help define and create a personality for the city and its people, by turning an old industrial wasteland next to False Creek into usable, profit making land (though as of yet, development is yet to happen on this site due to the recent recession) It also created much needed infrastructure improvements like Canada Place, now used as a cruise ship terminus. The SkyTrain, namely the Expo line. BC Place Stadium and Science World are also remnants from the Expo '86 that still reside within the city.
From what I can tell, that whole period of time is looked upon fondly by everyone involved and seemed to be the main catalyst for the city's growth by placing it on the big stage and inviting investors from all industries to notice and buy into its potential, something that has taken Vancouver from strength-to-strength ever since.
I think for the locals the floating McDonald's, which is affectionately named McBarge was probably the best thing about the event (though did come under fire for being an eyesore after the event, when it was abandoned in False Creek) and now sadly wait dormant in water, looking for a new lease of life. There is talk of it going to Mission as a centrepiece for their marina redevelopment or to be used as housing for the homeless.
As long as it's used for something and it can be seen by people publicly just so it doesn't go to the waste of waves, then everyone wins as I think it looks brilliant and it's an excellent example of architectural history.
 |
| Oh, what a lovely place to destroy the world |
To be honest, I don't know, a friend pointed at a map and said “Go” - no other words were exchanged between us, before or after they said that.
Passing a baby deer behind a fence being watched carefully by a security guard with a gun, I reach the bottom of the hill and I follow the track over a railway track to the water's edge that's obscured by a line of trees. I pass through the nature's fence and look down upon a surprisingly busy beach of fishermen and their families playing.
 |
| Nope, nothing much going on here, just people having fun |
As I was taking all this in, I was wondering what was it that I had go see. I look up to realise I had not even noticed this surprisingly big dirty white derelict floating barge in front of me, that looked like it had been thrown out of handbook of future architecture from the the days of retro and plonked down this quiet part of the Burrard Inlet.
 |
| Oh, well, yes, that's an unusual thing to see here, other than, say, a Yeti. |
Then it hit me, I've seen this building before from a picture of the skyline of Downtown Vancouver from around 1980s, this used to live in False Creek during Expo '86 but it was a McDonald's restaurant back then.
Expo '86 which was to coincide with Vancouver's 100th birthday started as a small event with a theme of transportation as a nod to the railways that helped kick start the growth of the city. Ideas for this celebration grew bigger along with it's momentum and eventually this small party would end up being a World Exposition.
Like the Olympics, this Expo would help define and create a personality for the city and its people, by turning an old industrial wasteland next to False Creek into usable, profit making land (though as of yet, development is yet to happen on this site due to the recent recession) It also created much needed infrastructure improvements like Canada Place, now used as a cruise ship terminus. The SkyTrain, namely the Expo line. BC Place Stadium and Science World are also remnants from the Expo '86 that still reside within the city.
 |
| BC Place Stadium to the left and Science World to the right |
From what I can tell, that whole period of time is looked upon fondly by everyone involved and seemed to be the main catalyst for the city's growth by placing it on the big stage and inviting investors from all industries to notice and buy into its potential, something that has taken Vancouver from strength-to-strength ever since.
I think for the locals the floating McDonald's, which is affectionately named McBarge was probably the best thing about the event (though did come under fire for being an eyesore after the event, when it was abandoned in False Creek) and now sadly wait dormant in water, looking for a new lease of life. There is talk of it going to Mission as a centrepiece for their marina redevelopment or to be used as housing for the homeless.
 |
| Look, it's bigger than a rock! |
As long as it's used for something and it can be seen by people publicly just so it doesn't go to the waste of waves, then everyone wins as I think it looks brilliant and it's an excellent example of architectural history.
Short, Sweet and Cheap | 25th September 2011 | 16:28 PDT
Ohh what's that? I've been down this road towards Granville Island a dozen times and I have never noticed that before, that' looks awesome. I am talking about Vancouver's Downtown Historic Railway
I know nothing more about it as there was no information on it like what they do, why they exist, the trams I was riding, nothing at all. There were a few leaflets telling people how to get in contact with the council to remind them that they made an “Olympic promise”* of extending the line to Science World, that has yet materialise.
Ran by passionate people, the tram ride was fun and something a little bit different and so cheap, I felt like I should have paid more for it, very weird feeling to have in Vancouver as it was only 2 bucks, for a short return journey along the south of False Creek to the Cambie bridge. Brilliant!
*Say anything to delay and shut people up with no intention of following it up AKA lying.
 |
| Outside! |
I know nothing more about it as there was no information on it like what they do, why they exist, the trams I was riding, nothing at all. There were a few leaflets telling people how to get in contact with the council to remind them that they made an “Olympic promise”* of extending the line to Science World, that has yet materialise.
Ran by passionate people, the tram ride was fun and something a little bit different and so cheap, I felt like I should have paid more for it, very weird feeling to have in Vancouver as it was only 2 bucks, for a short return journey along the south of False Creek to the Cambie bridge. Brilliant!
 |
| Inside! |
*Say anything to delay and shut people up with no intention of following it up AKA lying.
Back to Chinatown | 24th September 2011 | 19:37 PDT
Bitching to my friends about Chinatown saying how awful it is, not because of the low tax bracket area it resides in, but how every Chinatown is the essentially same bullshit and the essence of nons...
My friend slapped me at that point and told me I had done it wrong and tried to convince me it was a half decent place to visit, but I was being like a petulant little child and being as dismissive as I could without getting another slap.
My friend slapped me again at that point and told me I should at least visit Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden, I was sighing in my mind thinking I really don't want to, but verbally agreed as I didn't want to be slapped a third time.
My friend smiled and said “good!” then slapped me a third time citing that I rolled my eyes when I said it... I must make a mental note not to do that in future.
Heading back into Chinatown, I arrive at an uninspiring concrete wall with a simple sign saying “Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden” thinking naturally negative thoughts when you're presented with a white concrete wall with a sign saying garden on it. I buy a ticket and like the good little sheep I did as I was told and I joined a garden tour that had just started.
Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden is a faithful reproduction of garden that would have been present in the household of the the few elite during the Ming dynasty. The lengths gone to recreate something of the time required importing rocks, plants, building materials, even pebbles from China and using traditional fabrication methods to assemble the area.
Bizarrely enough Dr. Sun Yat-Sen, has nothing to do with the garden nor a reflection from the era he was from, it was named in his honour as he spent time in Vancouver on three occasions whilst he was raising the funds to help overthrow the Qing Dynasty which finally got rid of the traditional Chinese emperors ruling the land. Dr. Sun Yat-Sen was elected as the first president of China and is tagged as the Father of Modern China.
The garden itself it magnificent, representing every aspect of the outside world such as lakes and mountains it ultimately creates balance within itself using the beliefs of Feng Shui and Taoism you end up with something visually pleasing with carefully pruned plants to remain in proportion, the intriguing limestone rock formations, the little design details as you pass from one section to another and the everything is unique, so much thought has gone into each individual piece of this garden and its structures to keep everything unique and balanced.
For something that controls nature so tightly and so synthetically, it has so many nods and sympathetic areas that deeply tune itself to the greater world and universe around it, and at risk of sounding like a pompous dickhead, this whole mixture creates something quite spiritually extraordinary.
Added to this there are a few pavilions erected around the main courtyard to give a simple idea of how the elite live and how these structures were created, such as not using materials such as screws and nails, which in itself is something quite remarkable.
The problem is, it's quite small so the whole experience is over before you really want it to be, you look around at the end thinking, there must be morem surely... No, there isn't – get out. Regardless, I'm glad my friend slapped me into submission to go and see this place but, I still stand by my initial thoughts of Chinatown. Blurgh.
My friend slapped me at that point and told me I had done it wrong and tried to convince me it was a half decent place to visit, but I was being like a petulant little child and being as dismissive as I could without getting another slap.
 |
| Boom! (via ssw.com.au) |
My friend slapped me again at that point and told me I should at least visit Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden, I was sighing in my mind thinking I really don't want to, but verbally agreed as I didn't want to be slapped a third time.
My friend smiled and said “good!” then slapped me a third time citing that I rolled my eyes when I said it... I must make a mental note not to do that in future.
Heading back into Chinatown, I arrive at an uninspiring concrete wall with a simple sign saying “Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden” thinking naturally negative thoughts when you're presented with a white concrete wall with a sign saying garden on it. I buy a ticket and like the good little sheep I did as I was told and I joined a garden tour that had just started.
 |
| Welcome wall, we wallcome you! |
Dr. Sun Yat-Sen Classical Chinese Garden is a faithful reproduction of garden that would have been present in the household of the the few elite during the Ming dynasty. The lengths gone to recreate something of the time required importing rocks, plants, building materials, even pebbles from China and using traditional fabrication methods to assemble the area.
 |
| Holy shit, even these?! WOW! |
Bizarrely enough Dr. Sun Yat-Sen, has nothing to do with the garden nor a reflection from the era he was from, it was named in his honour as he spent time in Vancouver on three occasions whilst he was raising the funds to help overthrow the Qing Dynasty which finally got rid of the traditional Chinese emperors ruling the land. Dr. Sun Yat-Sen was elected as the first president of China and is tagged as the Father of Modern China.
The garden itself it magnificent, representing every aspect of the outside world such as lakes and mountains it ultimately creates balance within itself using the beliefs of Feng Shui and Taoism you end up with something visually pleasing with carefully pruned plants to remain in proportion, the intriguing limestone rock formations, the little design details as you pass from one section to another and the everything is unique, so much thought has gone into each individual piece of this garden and its structures to keep everything unique and balanced.
 |
| Quite rare to see a shellfish basking in the sun |
For something that controls nature so tightly and so synthetically, it has so many nods and sympathetic areas that deeply tune itself to the greater world and universe around it, and at risk of sounding like a pompous dickhead, this whole mixture creates something quite spiritually extraordinary.
 |
| In Australia, this is called a Bonza tree |
Added to this there are a few pavilions erected around the main courtyard to give a simple idea of how the elite live and how these structures were created, such as not using materials such as screws and nails, which in itself is something quite remarkable.
 |
| No freaking nails used to keep this all up, just gravity! |
The problem is, it's quite small so the whole experience is over before you really want it to be, you look around at the end thinking, there must be morem surely... No, there isn't – get out. Regardless, I'm glad my friend slapped me into submission to go and see this place but, I still stand by my initial thoughts of Chinatown. Blurgh.
 |
| Ahhh |
An Emotional Colourful War | 23rd September 2011 | 23:36 PDT
I'm with 6 other people wearing what appears to the untrained eye, basic white long sleeve baby onesie for adults. We're standing in a room that looks as if there has been a gang war amongst the different colours of the rainbow and has resulted in Red grabbing Blue and Yellow and going kamikaze by letting off a big grenade blowing everyone into smithereens, splattering their tiny remains everywhere. The whole thing resembles a bad CSI.
This is a Splatter Party, an artistic night out designed for young children, but seeing as adults are better at being kids than kids are, we threw them out and gave them marching orders to go to the pub and drink, like all adolescences their age should be doing.
What happens first at this party, is you all go into this closed area to have a small war between each other, like a pain free paintball session, where you throw lots of paint at each other using whatever you can, brushes, syringes, hands, pots, mouth. Sometimes it might accidentally hit a canvas. It would stop being known as collateral damage when someone would stop for a moment and go “Wow, that looks pretty good” before throwing a tub of brown paint at your face and decorate it with pink war stripes.
We called a ceasefire, as we all had to put our newly acquired skills towards a more productive use and work as a team! A large carpet sized canvas that dominated most of the floor was laid out in front of us and in the distance a starter pistol was fired, emotional anarchy followed.
The collective collaboration of creativity was chucked onto this canvas and paint descended onto the it like a headless horseman was riding Big Bird with a stomach problem after eating too many rainbows.
There was laughter, crying, hugging, throwing, cries of “I hate you mother, why did you make me clean my room!” and “I love you, I'm sorry, I take it ALL back!”, experimenting, artistic board meetings with beard stroking “mmmm, it's good but it's missing something... ORANGE! We need orange on this RIGHT NOW!” and mature act of painting penises on each other.
We delved into each other's minds to make a final decision that we had expressed ourselves enough and it felt right to stop. We were done, art had been made and in the distance a chequered flag fired. I never knew art was so difficult and this was meant for kids?!
I was left emotionally elated by the whole experience like I'd been in a trance and went into my very being, I went so deep in my soul and left exhausted as I made it through the dark tunnel of obscure thought and living like I had done an 8 hour mind hike to the top of my inner cerebral Everest, so I had a beer and I felt human again.
Concluding thought: Ear full of paint.
This is a Splatter Party, an artistic night out designed for young children, but seeing as adults are better at being kids than kids are, we threw them out and gave them marching orders to go to the pub and drink, like all adolescences their age should be doing.
 |
| Drink it up little Johnny! (via phoenixnewtimes.com) |
What happens first at this party, is you all go into this closed area to have a small war between each other, like a pain free paintball session, where you throw lots of paint at each other using whatever you can, brushes, syringes, hands, pots, mouth. Sometimes it might accidentally hit a canvas. It would stop being known as collateral damage when someone would stop for a moment and go “Wow, that looks pretty good” before throwing a tub of brown paint at your face and decorate it with pink war stripes.
We called a ceasefire, as we all had to put our newly acquired skills towards a more productive use and work as a team! A large carpet sized canvas that dominated most of the floor was laid out in front of us and in the distance a starter pistol was fired, emotional anarchy followed.
The collective collaboration of creativity was chucked onto this canvas and paint descended onto the it like a headless horseman was riding Big Bird with a stomach problem after eating too many rainbows.
There was laughter, crying, hugging, throwing, cries of “I hate you mother, why did you make me clean my room!” and “I love you, I'm sorry, I take it ALL back!”, experimenting, artistic board meetings with beard stroking “mmmm, it's good but it's missing something... ORANGE! We need orange on this RIGHT NOW!” and mature act of painting penises on each other.
 |
| Now, we're just going to draw a happy little penis over it (via wikimedia.org) |
We delved into each other's minds to make a final decision that we had expressed ourselves enough and it felt right to stop. We were done, art had been made and in the distance a chequered flag fired. I never knew art was so difficult and this was meant for kids?!
I was left emotionally elated by the whole experience like I'd been in a trance and went into my very being, I went so deep in my soul and left exhausted as I made it through the dark tunnel of obscure thought and living like I had done an 8 hour mind hike to the top of my inner cerebral Everest, so I had a beer and I felt human again.
Concluding thought: Ear full of paint.
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