|Remain calm, you'll find your way out soon (via timeoutsingapore.com)|
After a few hours of banging my head against the wall, I eventually find a way to leave the house and find myself in a fancy coffee shop, “with an art galleria” attached that was bigger than the coffee shop, I guess art gallerias with a coffee shop attached isn't a popular sales combination in Vancouver.
I walk up to the counter with a tired zombie step, to be greeted with a smiling girl wearing massive curved thick black rimmed magnifying glasses and a bright red pirate dress...
“Hi, how can I help?”
“...err...” I let out a 'I've given up on life' sigh, perhaps prematurely “...err... a drink?”
“Right, OK! What type of drink would you like?”
“...Pfft...” I gaze at the menu that appears to be written in hieroglyphics “...err...caffeine”
“We have tea, coffee, iced...”
I interrupt “coffee!”
“What type would you like?...”
- My mind wanted to start crying at this point, I wasn't ready for this onslaught of ALL these questions and decisions I was making.
“There's cappuccino, latte, flat white, Americano, Spanish omelette, waxed brick”
- My mind awake, fell asleep and may have misheard a few of the options.
- My mind starts internally punching my face and yelling “What?! You hate cappuccinos!”
“Single or double?”
- My mind shouts “You need a double. You need a double. You need a double...”
- My mind screams white noise into my ear “You twat, what did you do that for?!” then, calms down rapidly as the realisation of all the decision making is now over, and gets excited about the prospect of finding a corner to go and have a coma in.
|This was a very exciting prospect (via bostonsonthebayou.com)|
“So that's a cappuccino was that for here or to go?”
“... to here”
“Cappuccino for here. Sorry, was that a single or a double”
- My mind perks up, this is your chance to redeem yourself!
- My mind goes back to yelling “You fucking fuck! I hope I kill you one day, you worthless piece of shit!”
“Would you like anything else?”
“...err...” I make a gesture of feeding myself as I'm conscious my consciousness is waning to be conscious.
The still smiling happy server, points to the food choice area in front of my face
- My mind puts in its input, “you want a muffin”
- My mind fires up “Argh!! You stupid cu... Oh, actually looks quite tasty”
“Would you like it warmed up?”
- My mind is starting to give up on the whole decision making ordeal “I swear if this doesn't end soon, I'm going to ram myself out your eye socket and leave to a nice 5 star all inclusive resort in St. Lucia”
“Is that for here or to go?”
- My mind is getting irately perplexed “What sort of question is that? I'm having my coffee here but my warm bun to go?”
“...err... To here, also”
“Brilliant...” server's still smiling “...I'll bring it to your table”
I walk over to a table in the corner and smack my head on the surface as everything within me just gives up all at once.
|*Donk* Dead, temporarily. (via motifake.com)|
I awake some time later, to find my cinnamon bun has melted to some sort of gooey mountainous mess of sugar and the foam in my cappuccino had stolen all the coffee from my drink, it was at that point I realised why it took me a few hours to exit the house, to avoid all this.