Remind me again, why people do this? | 23nd April 2011 | 11:50 PDT

I've just done some exercise, by "just" I mean, after a 20 minute lie down basking in the sun with skin tears steaming from my pores, proving to myself how unfit I am and judging by today, I'm never going to run again, ever. In fact, anything strenuous as it's hard and the repercussions afterwards, just aren't worth it. I'm not even going to walk anywhere either, I'm going to get one of those fat tanks (mobility scooters) to haul my useless unfit arse everywhere.

It all started as I was told about this place by my house mate to aim in one directions and you'll come across it.


I headed out into suburbia towards a really quiet street, I knew I was kind of heading in the right direction as the amount of tight exercise outfits being seen on the streets was increasing as I got nearer to the epicentre.

The view from Adelaide Drive
On Adelaide Drive (which has multi-million dollar houses on it and a great view down a valley and down to the ocean) as I turned around a bend in the road, you get confronted with a street full of Lycra zombies, each one doing either strange movements (to, I guess, warm up/down) lifting weights, doing press ups but most walking slowly in a weird fashion towards this small gap in the hillside.

At that moment, I felt like I was on a suburban safari and I just stumbled on a watering hole by accident, I could say what animals these people were, definitely not human, perhaps flamingos, though keep fit zombie flamingos.

What I had stumbled upon were the Santa Monica stairs, 2 sets of steps that take you from the hill down into the valley and has been adopted by health freaks as their outside gym, there are two to choose from, a concrete set and a wooden set. It felt like the concrete set is where you started to work up the the wooden steps, as they're narrower, shallower, and had frequent stopping platforms along the way. Sod that, I thought and went straight to the wooden ones, which were busier, wider, steeper, and one place to rest there.

The stairs with a few trapped fitness zombies

It was kind of full on, going down was easy, it was like controlled falling, but going back up, or running back up, I should throw in there was quite gruelling and maybe going from no exercise to a full on run, didn't help, and probably should have worked up to it, I only managed 3 flights, in total consisting of 1050 steps. Which was nothing compared to the others there pounding up and down the steps like they had been doing it all their lives and it was their only form of exercise and got really good at it.

I'm off to shop for a mobility scooter and a stair lift.

Composed: 4th St & Adelaide Drive, Santa Monica

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