Only Popped Out for a Coke | 17th July 2011 | 01:43 PDT

Today was slightly an inconvenience to my mental state as I had woken up all ready and raring to go and kick today in the balls and scream in its face as the blood ruses to my face from all the excited active things I was going to do that day but the weather was absolutely dog shit today, so I wrote this Saturday off as a Sunday and would hope I can make it up tomorrow.

I certainly do. (via

The time was etching towards early afternoon, the 2pm mark and that day I didn't really feel like going to Starbucks to pretentiously drink my latte with a sense of entitlement - I wanted to keep it more real, so I headed to The Calling, a pretentious public house where the walls are painted black, everything's overpriced but the bar staff are friendly so you tolerate its pitfalls.

Ordering a Coke and staring at some random World league sport that only played in America on TV, this guy, Alex, starts talking to me, he's pretty far gone, thanks to the barmaid in need of entertainment, providing him lethal shots of Bacardi 151.

A lot of nonsense is spoken between us, mainly about collecting his bag from the night before and horses. Time rolls on, until I'm ready to join the party. After a few shots of this simply wonderfully refreshing paint thinner, that burns like Thermite in the belly AKA 151 - it was time to collect this guy's bag, off we went into the unknown.

It's what Neanderthals used to make fire with before flint. (via

We headed out and got on a bus to somewhere in Vancouver, talking to people randomly along the way to pass the time seeing if they were having a good night. We got talking to a Tom who's birthday it was and he invited us to this party that was happening a bit later on that night.

Now, it seemed we left earlier than we should have, to collect this bag, by a few hours, so we had to fill our time somehow - we decided that instead of being drunken ass-holes that were annoying in a bad way we'd be drunken ass-holes that were annoying in a good way. We'd go around Downtown, shouting compliments like:

"Oh my Gawd, will you stop being so ridiculously good looking?"
[Outside a supermarket] "Great choice on the groceries, fully of yummy vitamins, good job!"
[To a couple arguing] "Wow, you guys look like such a great couple" [Then they'd stop arguing and make up]
"Awww, doggy! That's like the best one in the world!"

Awww, you don't get the irony (via

What shocked me most is how friendly people were to it, and how it brought a smile to their faces and how these people would join us and share their problems and how we made their day... Looking back I'm more shocked now than I was then.

As the bag is now the sub-story, we got it from this random bar from a random person Alex knew, in somewhere district we spent ages walking around looking for making friends along the way. Which turned out to be about 2 blocks away from our original location, so why we got a bus, we don't know - neither one of us could explain the rationale behind it.

It was time to make our appearance at this party. We headed there and, by coincidence, met Tom who invited us initially also trying to get into the building where this shindig was taking place. We all head together and enter this apartment.

She was there (via

Oh OK... this appears to be a... penthouse suite in the center of Downtown... over looking Southeast Vancouver and... who's that? Oh... It's only Kristin Kreuk from Smallville - not quite Keither Sutherland, but it's only Canada so I'll let it off. Naturally getting her a drink from the free bar that was in operation from the kitchen.

The party was lead to the rooftop to enjoy a smashing vista over Vancouver at night, what made this special was, a rain storm had just finished and clouds wandering off away from us were buzzing and flashing with lightning, like floating brains with enthusiastic brain cells firing up.

A fuzzy Downtown, which matches my visual experience perfectly

Talking to people with a range of subject of the mind, body and soul to skateboard and the bits where they crack their privates on a metal pole, my fun was about to come to an abrupt end.

Tom comes up to me "Seems that you mate Alex has been groping people, you have to go"
  -  He's not my mate, I've only just met him, fuck him - I'm staying
"Oh shit, has he? - I'll get him out of here"
  -  Walking over to Alex with Tom, as diffusing a conversation between him and two scared girl
"Dude, we have to go"
"...err... I'm bored... and you've been accused of groping girls"
"What?! No I didn't!"
"Well, that's what's being said, and we gotta go"
"It was a misunderstanding"
"Fucking hell. You can't do that! No one knows us here and you're here with your hood up groping girls, like you're a prepubescent teenager at Hugh Hefner's house of Bunnies"
  -  He goes silent
"Lets go"
"Why does everyone hate me?"
  -  Oh for fuck sake
"Because you grope girls and you have boundary issues it seems, c'mon we gotta go"

*Makes weird pervert noise* (via

Eventually Tom and I, coax Alex out of the building, I've had enough at this point and say "I'm going home" - he slumps down on the floor and starts crying... Good times, so I do what any guy would do with someone they've just met... I slapped him around the face and told him get a grip, stating a list of positives he had going for him and threw him in a taxi.

I walked home, being approached by not 1, not 2 but by 3 girls, all in tears on their mobiles all requesting hugs from me, I felt like I was in the Eerie Indiana or the Twilight Zone - hugging them and being complimented that it "Made them feel better" I was done with the day.

I went home, ignoring my housemate who wanted to chat and scoured into my room and slept, tomorrow can wait.

Fuck off, I'm going to bed(via

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