You may not be aware of this unless you suffer from agoraphobia and you insist on closing your eyes every time you leave the house but, there are quite a lot of Starbucks stores out there in the that big scary world that wants to harm you. How many are out lurking? In the UK around 800 and in the US around 12,000 - So finding one, you may understand is a very difficult task to do (if you're a moron)
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| Finally, I found it - and I only had to walk to New York! (via pinoytutorial.com) |
I've devised this way when I get lost in the middle of a city and need a Starbucks to sooth my panic with background jazz and "that Starbucks smell" and with only a frequent bus services and many taxis to take me back home - this acts like a temporary paper bag when I hyper-ventilate.
It's quite a simple plan, you have to be out on the streets walking around for it to work. As you walk around you'll eventually notice someone with a paper cup melted to their hand with a mermaid logo on it, this is your first sign you're near to the holy grail.
Have you pen and paper ready as there are two things you need to take note when you spot this unbeknown messenger of yours. Which direction they're walking in and how big was that cup?
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| That should put an end to my post-lunch lull for a while (via cutie-kitty-pie.deviantart.com) |
Direction they're walking in
You'll need to go in the opposite direction to them. The reason for this is that most people after acquiring their takeaway coffee will walk away from the store to their desired location, this theory works 99% of the time.
The 1% it doesn't is usually before 9am when you'll see dark eyed individuals walking around slowly with their hand holding up an invisible pole, the pole's size is usually the same of that, of a takeaway cup. These 1% will be walking towards a Starbucks, if you have the patience, follow them as they'll know the quickest route.
Size of the cup
The size of the cup dictates how far you'll have to walk in order to reach your store. The first cup size you'll probably notice is the "Venti" and as you hone in on the store you'll notice cup sightings will become more frequent and the size of these caffeine vessels will get smaller.
There's a simple method to work out how far away you are, every fluid ounce equals around a minutes walking.
Short is 08 US fl oz is 8 minutes
Tall is 12 US fl oz is 12 minutes
Grande is 16 US fl oz is 16 minutes
Venti is 20 US fl oz is 20 minutes
Trenta is 31 US fl oz is too far away, so just give up now.
And this kids, is why you should never allow any "brilliant" ideas whilst hungover to incubate and breed into a mental monster of nonsense.
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