Showing Love Towards Fellow Cinema Goers | 23rd May 2011 | 18:47 PDT

From my cinema experience yesterday, there was one thing that did annoyed me about the fellow film watchers (other than the need to clap after the film, really!? Clapping... at someone pushing "play")

This annoys me more than the obvious...

Go: A board game of possession and capture / Ober: Denoting a supreme example (via:

Loud snacks
The sound of tumbling Goobers, running down a course cardboard surface during a quiet moment, even worse when the Goobee is aware of the sugar ball waterfall they're in control of and try to make it run as slowly as possible, it's like an ambient version of running your fingernails down a chalk board.

George even sung about it.. (via
It takes two for this to occur and not necessarily female either, any two similar types of people normally "friends" - geeks, housewives, politicians, potential comedians with their "in-jokes" - they're all guilty of talking throughout a film, providing their own director's commentary but most of the time it's never anything about the film.
If you can hold a conversation without a flashy motion window in front off you it begs the question... why the hell are you there?! Sod off to a late night café/bar/your own house and have your pointless conversation there.

One of these functions you should be using instead (via

That Businesses/Socialite
You, yeah you, douche-bag with the mobile, no not you... The one blearing out that Spice Girls ringtone your girlfriend set it too, turn it on to silent - you can find it at your important meetings/funerals so why should this experience be any different?
Also, that person thinking they're the only person that can see their Luxor-strength light coming from their phone screen as they check their Facebook/texts halfway through the film, only to realise all their friends are at the cinema and non of them like you anyway, as you were invited out of pity.
Oh and, dump your girlfriend for messing with your phone, she's clearly mental and checking your phone for texts from that other girl you'd rather be with.

And what annoys me the most of all... (the one I experienced that day)

Can I get that double bagged please? (via

Ugly couples
OK, sasquatches. I understand this is one of your rare outings as a couple from whatever cave you happened to have crawled from out of this morning, or judging by the looks of you, a few moments ago as you're running late and had a long walk from your pit under the cinema to your seat.
When the lights go down, this does not mean it's OK for you go into automatic "sexy-mode" and have an exrotical passion session in the seat behind me, even though you may not be seen, you are most definitely heard, in every intricate detail... If you're desperate, you have the back row for these interactions not the middle centre - that's reserved for people who want the full blown "cinema experience"
It also helps (guys) if you don't say you fancy the leading lady (in this case, was a cartoon) half way through the film and you were talking to someone who looked like her the other day. Your barnacle ridden whale-wife will burst into tears, no loudly though, but every-so-quietly as she tries to keep a brave face and her soul and self-worth intact.

Save it for the post drink film analysis where you'll go
"What did you think of it?"
"Yeah good, you?"
"Yeah, not bad"
"I liked that leading lady, I'm going to think of her, instead of you tonight, in fact I spoke to someone who looks just like her the other day, we got on really well"

The reaction will be the same, it just won't be my problem, now go back to that cesspit you call home and eat a bag of lard face first

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