Search for a Ball-Point Quill | 12th May 2011 | 14:56 PDT

Finding and having the ability of buying a pen in this town seems an impossible task... Not impossible just really inconvenient task to have to undertake, It's not like you can pop into your local stationery outlet store and buy a black but biro for 40p this is because stationary stores in Los Angeles sell everything but...

Yes, that's a lovely set of pins, but I want a pen!

The first place I went to was Staples, which have seemed to moved away from "useful office items" in recent times to the bracket of "useless gadgets you'll use once to fill your office with to make you look productive" They had pens but in bulk of thousands and I only needed one so I went to the next place I knew...

The second was a paper store, racks and racks of blank paper, blank books, blank calendars, blank diaries, blank cards - lots of brilliant clean pieces of paper begging to have a friendly pen to just throw up random scribbles all over it. yes a pen rack, err I'm looking, I'm looking, gold pens, glitter pens, permanent marker pens, pens to brush your teeth with, pens to fix your cat, pens to stamp tiny versions of pens with... Damn not one bastard pen to write with.

I was so livid. in my mind, I "bin Laden'd" the store, I made 2 massive paper airplanes and threw them at the store (and I can joke about that now because bin Laden is dead) causing a big smear on their front window, that'll teach them.

This thing was huge! (via

The third one was another stationery store, selling things like letterheaded paper, business cards etc. At this point it hadn't dawned on me that this penless store hadn't any pens, so I asked for a pen.
"A pen you say? Oh no sir, don't do those here" to the tone of, "why on earth would you want one of those things for?"
... Ok ... "Do you know where I could get one?"
"I think there's a place in town" and proceeded to pull out a pen from a massive tub of pens and draw me a map pointing me back to the paper store, which I wasn't in a hurry to go back to
"That's a lot of pens, maybe I could buy one of those?"
"Sorry sir, these are mine"
"Oh ok" admitting defeat, but I should've pointed out that everything in the store is his until he sells it. I left slightly saddened by this experience.

THEY'RE ALL MINE!! My precious.. preciouses.. err.. Preciousii (via

I gave up hope until I visited my local pharmacy for some unbeknown reason, probably because I like the calming smell of illness and atmosphere of near death as there is no hospital nearby... And something sparkled in the corner of my eye. A migrane had set in, as I laid down to fall into a temporary coma, I saw a rack of pens, real pens, actual real pens! I felt like a kid in a stationery shop! Pens! Loads of lovely pens! I picked out a brilliant pen, ergonomically suited, smooth ink, turn it around to see its technical specifications, free refill! amazing! oh, wait, what!?

Close... but not quite. (via

$12!! for a pen? sod that! no wonder there are hardly no pens in this country and everyone uses an iPad, this is ridiculous, so I dropped the pen on the floor and left. Disgusted with the world of stationery.

Want to justify an iPad? I use 1 pen a month and a notebook every month and a bit (cost of about $15 each about $150 a year) which works out an American like me, spends around $295 a year on mental notes, an iPad costs $499 - so if I keep an iPad for 2 years, it pays itself!

Shame I hate Apple and everything about it, even the fruit makes me want to vomit a Steve Jobs shape on the floor.

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