Free stuff you can't control receiving | 26th May 2011 | 23:04 PDT

One of the joys of sharing space with others in an apartment building are the weird and wonderful noises through the walls, the occasional loud bangs or moving furniture or someone dropping a tombstone, loud blearing TV of baseball, America's Next Top Model or another pointless broadcast like the news, the time-perfect toilet stops in the night, cleaning rituals of vaccum cleaning and loud feather dusters, and phone calls.

My bedroom window (which is left open at night, so help yourself to my stuff when I'm sleep, just leave the cash equivalent behind) is directly below a rather loud fat guy (can't confirm his size but he just sounds fat) who likes to hold phone conversations with the entire street as well as making the phone calling recipient's ear bleed. It doesn't happen often so I should be OK with his blasé attitude to volume but I'm not.

CAN YOU HEAR ME?! (via egovasia.enterpriseinnovation.net)

 This is because those phone calls that I unknowingly RSVP'd to as, "confirmed" to join in, are to sex lines and into his sex life (or lack of as the case may be)

It's just disturbing, not so much when he booms out "What are you wearing?", bellows "Oh yeah baby" or yells "Keep doing that" because you might think he could be doing something else, I don't know what else, just something - but, it's when the noise stops you need to worry and force you imagination to think of something else, like grey carpet.

Ahhh, that's better, mentally (via overstock.com)

I really shouldn't complain as it's free and saves me, like, $2 a minute on a phone call of my own - but this is all wrong, sick and wrong. Everything about it makes me want to leave and live in a bin or somewhere else safe from danger.